7 Weeks

So I just made 7 weeks pregnant and the sickness has set in. I don't like it at all. I'm tired, scared, lonely and confused. I hate that I'm still living in this horrible motel and that I have no idea what is going to happen in 2011. Thankfully, Brown came over and we talked a lot. He makes a valid point about the fact that we just don't have the money, means or support to bring this child into the world. But every time I read about the abortion process, I break down crying. I just don't see how I'm going to go through with the procedure in about a week. It scares me shitless! I'm afraid of the pain and I'm afraid of how I'm going to feel afterward. I'm also afraid of any side effects I may have.
Although Brown was really sweet and tender and loving when we spent that evening together, I still hate to tell him that I just don't know how I'm going to do this. It isn't his body so he won't feel the loss like I will. He can move forward but I don't know if I will be able to. I love him so much and tragedy has always brought us closer, but I just don't want to have to tell him that I keep going back and forth on the issue.
Maybe something will happen to prevent us going to the abortion clinic. Maybe we won't have the money or maybe we won't have a way to get there or something. I don't know but I just have to have faith that God will make a way for this baby to come into the world and bless us with the means of taking care of it.