A Move...

Well, on 4/23 we had to move to another motel. It was some drama about S.A. not being able to pay where we were and it all just turned out to be a bunch of drama. Once again, the only reliable source to help us out was our Church. So now were all the way out in West Oaks and I don't particularly like it but what can I do? The only good thing is that if we haven't moved by graduation, I can afford to get another room so at least I'd have some space. I just wish our living situation would get resolved.
I'm starting to tire of my job. I love the kids but I hate being the person who has to move around from room to room when we're short handed. I'm too dependable is the problem, yet certain individuals who do not show up to work still have a job and their same schedule. I think I'm doing a good job of keeping my emotions to myself because Lord knows I need this job. I am thankful for it. It paid for me to have my car stickers renewed, to get car insurance, to update my license, and to get my hair done (hallelujah!) I just pray for strength and for God to provide another opportunity for me.
In other good news, Brown and I have been seeing each other once a week since my last period and I hope we concieved. I think we'll have one more shot on my birthday just in case it didn't take last time. Speaking of last time, do you know we DID IT BEHIND A DUMPSTER!!!!!! We just got extra wild and it was SO much fun!!! If that didn't get us pregnant, I don't know what will. Hopefully, we'll succeed because if we didn't, I am going back on the pill in May, only because I don't want a baby born during 2011-an odd number year. You know how I feel about odd numbers. But whatever. We'll see what happens :)

A Ray of Light

Well, since I got this job at the day care, excuse me, child development center, I was able to finally get a lace front wig. It is nice, but I've got to learn to comb and care for it correctly. I was able to cut that year-old mess off of my head and actually had a headache afterward! I'm just thankful there wasn't anything ALIVE in there, besides alot of dirt! But I'm well on my way to looking nice for my birthday! I don't even know what I want to do but I'll do something! I had sex with Brown the other day and it was good, but I was dry and he didn't ejaculate so I don't believe anything will come of it. However, you never know and I still have a window of opportunity. I'm going to take care of the stickers on my car and buy an outfit or two and then I'm good. I hope I get that other job I want too! And we're going to be moving into an apartment within a month or so things are looking up.
I'm starting to think something is up with Brown b/c he seemed so sad on Thursday...he didn't even comment on what I was talking about, even the good news...I need to find out what was wrong and to see if I can make it better. Hopefully, we can see each other this upcoming week and the next. I love that man and I hate to see him hurting. We fell asleep together and he was holding on to my leg-it makes me think he wants me to sleep with him every night and I would LOVE that! I just wish I knew more of what was going on with him and what I can do about it...I think he needs me...

You know what I want?

You want to know what I want for my birthday this year? Well, to be honest, I want my family's life turned around for the better. I want us to to be rich Rich RICH! I want to get this other job at THI library and to get my lace front wig and to get a room away for the weekend. Those are my goals. God help me please! At least get me to work with the gas I have left. I know God is working on my family but it sometimes feels like were the crap going down the commode...I also want to get pregnant by Brown, hopefully with a baby boy but as long as the baby is healthy, I'll be happy. These are my hopes, dreams, wishes, and desires and I pray that they all come to fruition...

A Little Light

Well, well, well. I know its been a while since I've written but so far, we've gotten a lone star card, which means ALOT more food (woo-hoo!) and I got a job working full time at a daycare for $10 an hour. It isn't what I wanted, but I got it and I do like it there. My co-workers are cool and the babies are babies, and as long as I can deal with the babies primarily, I'm a happy camper. So I was able to get car insurance but I still have to get my tags together, so I'm riding on a prayer until the next payday. I thank God for this opportunity! Now (and don't tell anyone) I'm trying to get pregnant. I want a baby with Brown so that I can move in with him. I don't want to abandon my family but lets face it-Sis will be graduating soon and I'm tired of hearing Sniffy and Snorty make noise. This one room just isn't big enough. And personally, I don't want to be caught paying on this crap. I'd rather get a crappy apartment-it would be cheaper! But I'm trying to get pregnant THIS MONTH so that the baby would be born around Brown's birthday. I just need him to bring his sperm on! Ugh! You'd think with all the sex we've had in the past that this wouldn't be a problem but now it is. I know I'm being selfish but really, he'd be happy. Plus, I think he needs something to steer him in the right direction. He has a house we could stay in! Plus, he's gonna be an uncle soon and who wouldn't want to have a kid of their own to grow up with their cousin? And heaven knows our kid would be GORGEOUS!!! So I'm off the Pill, trying to track my ovulation, and get this man to do his part!!! We'd be happy together, I know we will...but I do realize that if this doesn't happen, it wasn't meant to be at this time. I realize that I dont' control things but I'm not above trying!!!