Will I hurt forever?

I realize now that the pain of my abortion and betrayal will probably always be with me. I want to move on and be happy but how can I? My heart hurts too deeply. I wish I kept my baby because then I would have a purpose; a reason to fight. But then again I know bringing a child into these circumstances wouldn't have been fair to anyone and it would have been selfish on my part. I know the most logical thing for me to do is to find someone who really loves me, marries me, and wants to have a family with me. But sometimes I just don't know what to do because the pain is just too much. I can't share it with anyone and that what hurts the most. I'm probably suffering with PMS right now which is making me emotional. I wish none of this had ever happened. I'm tired of crying and living in shame. I just don't want to feel like this anymore.

Gotta get over this

So finding out Brown is a married man now has REALLY broken my heart. He had so many opportunities to tell me and he didn't. I truly feel like a fool. None of this for the past two years had to happen, including the abortion. I want answers from him but I know I'll never get them. I want God to remove him from my heart. I'm so sick over this I'm embarrassed. I can't eat and all I want to do is sleep and cry. Thankfully I had Friday off from work so that helped me out. And I got online in an attempt to meet another guy and I may be on to something but I don't want to speak too soon. I just wish I wasn't so gullible. and I really pray that God delivers my family because I have hit rock bottom and I just can't take any of this any longer. I just want the pain to end.