Back Online

It has been a while since I've written anything here because my laptop crashed and it took me a while to get it back in some type of decent working order. I wasn't about to write my deepest thoughts at work so I purchased a notebook and pen and I've been using that ever since. I won't worry about transcribing the notebook onto here-I feel the two should stand alone but complement each other if need be.
So, let me fill you in on what's been going on with me. No change really in the financial area of my life but hey, at least it isn't getting any worse. Work has its moments where I just want to curse everyone out and leave, but when I think about how easy the work actually is, I cannot complain. I just pray that it turns into a permanent position so I can return to school and get benefits.
There is this nice looking guy who I've been flirting with who works on the campus. He's older and Hispanic but has a sexy-ass smile and seems like he'd know what to do if we ever got to be alone. And at the time, I hadn't heard from Brown in a month so I was thinking of some serious adult things because I was in need. I would dress sexy and walk myself around just to get noticed-one day I even got an "OMG!" which made my day.
But in true Brown fashion, later that night (Thursday) he came by. I showed him what I wore and he loved it! Apparently, my weight gain is very sexy. Now that night with him was the shit! Lots of kissing and me riding him and him hollering out "I'm not ready to come in you yet!" for some reason. I still don't know what he meant by that but oh well. Little did he know that I'm ovulating so I had my own agenda. He had been talking so much about his nephew that I'm thinking he sees that he might want kids sooner than the age of 40. He'll be 35 at the end of the year so it isn't a big leap. I did catch some of his semen inside of me so I'm happy about that. And when he left, he said twice "I'll be back, I promise".
And he was right. He called me Saturday night/Sunday morning and brought his handsome self over. He was dressed up in blue and looked delicious! He had been drinking at a party but I am so honored that he wanted to be with me afterwards! Guess I mean more to him than those females that were checking him out, lol! So we fooled around and it wasn't as good as the other day, but we did hit on something: he was on top and we kissed and I told him I was coming and he said "come with me" and that was all I needed to hear and I believe he came all in side of me, all on his own. And then he stayed the night!!!! I was so damn happy! His phone played music practically the whole night until I turned it down but we had a good time. I would've gotten another round with him but his calf muscle was hurting him badly but hopefully he pushed inside deeper what was already there. I honestly think that Brown would not mind becoming a father at this point in life. I feel that he loves me in his own way, and he is estatic about being an uncle. And if he did ejaculate inside of me, it was by his own accord-I didn't do anything to force him. So whatever happens, happens. Now begins the two week wait.
I know my family is struggling financially and this is the worst of times, but in a way, we are ok. Sure we get stressed out but there is usually something we can find to smile about. If my dad gets that job he had a phone interview for, that would be a BIG help. Or perhaps we might finally win millions in the lottery. Whatever-I just feel that life is going to get better for us. If I am pregnant, I will have health insurance so that the baby and I can go to the doctor. Perhaps Brown and I will get a place of our own. I don't know but I do know life is going to get better-it just has to.