Warm, fuzzy feeling...

Well, God stepped in and saved us from being homeless. Our priest and church business manager paid for us to stay here another 28 days. It was a mighty battle that I don't even feel like recounting here, but it did cause alot of drama and stress. I kept my cool, though. I told Brown and we talked for a while. It was a good conversation. I truly feel that all this family drama and tragedy we're experiencing is bringing the two of us closer. I know talk is cheap but his words do make me happy. I see us together for the long haul. I'm really going to try my best to only be with him intimately. He's always held my heart, but I need to do right physically. I honestly love him and I can't wait until we're in a position to take our relationship to the next level. But it will happen in due time.
Now that we have shelter for a while longer, I truly hope to get that job I really want. I need to be working but like everything, it has to be in God's will.
Another thing that's bothering me is the return of Suga. I think he's a handsome guy but I don't want to have sex with him again. My heart isn't in it and neither is my mind. He's so sweet though! And maybe he could help me with a few dollars...but I really don't want to use him or hurt him. I don't know.
Everyday I pray that our situation changes for the better. I hope that God continues to listen and help my family

So So Scared...

Ok, in a few hours I'll know whether or not we can stay in this motel longer. We only have around $25 dollars and no other source of income has presented itself yet. That means no gas, no laundry, no food, and most importantly, no shelter. I don't think I'll lose my mind if we have to leave, but emotionally, I just can't take another eviction. I don't know what my family has done wrong. We are by no means perfect but what did we do to deserve this fate? Just when I feel that we're going to be ok, something tells me to look at when we had our apartments-I felt we weren't going to be evicted but we were. And what did the Haitians do to deserve that horrible earthquake? Nothing, yet innocent people have died and the death toll will only rise. So with things like that swimming in my head, what else can I believe except that we're going to be hungry, and dirty, and sleeping in our cars???? I have one tiny bright spot, well, two actually. My sister is ok back on campus so at least we don't have to worry about her physically. Brown and I are on a good level, each knowing that the other is dealing with difficult family situations. These thoughts keep me going, but honestly, what is God doing? We need Him in such a powerful and awesome way that I don't have the words to accurately express it. Mama always says we'll be ok, and we are, if I must be honest. We've always had food, shelter, and were able to clean and wash. And she's usually right about things, major things. And when she makes up her mind to do something, it usually works out in our favor, so I PRAY that this is also one of those times. I still want us to be financially independent, with homes and cars and enough money to live well for the rest of our lives and to be a blessing to others. But right now, I'd settle for knowing that we can stay in this motel room, have food and gas money, and be able to wash clothes. If I were to get a job, I have no problem wearing the same clothes until I got paid, just as long as my family and I have a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs. I truly hope God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit hears my family's pleas and delivers us. GOD WE NEED YOU NOW!!!! WE ARE YOUR CHILDREN!!! DO NOT FORSAKE US, BUT ALLOW US TO LIVE AS CHILDREN OF KINGS SHOULD LIVE!!! WE WORSHIP YOU, WE GIVE YOU PRAISE!!!!! AMEN!!!!

I feel like shit...

I wish my first entry of 2010 was filled with good news, but unfortunately, that isn't the case. Our situation is still the same. We only have enough money to stay here until Jan 18th. I just don't understand why God hasn't stepped in and saved us. I read something great in a book. The main character said that when people say "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" that's just a bunch of shit to make the other person feel better so that your situation doesn't mess up their pretty little lives. AND THAT IS SO TRUE!!! I'm tired of all that trite crap. I want big money and deliverance NOW! I'm just tired of worrying and not having a clear idea of what's going to happen next. This cosmic joke called life just isn't funny. My reserve is all tapped out so I'm just going to shut up and deal with it. I'm going to enjoy the internet and library books for as long as I can and then whatever happens, happens.