Blast From The Past...

Well, all of a sudden I've been getting contacted by people from my past! It's kind of weird but good because I need more folks to socialize with when I get back on track. The main one I'm surprised I reconnected with is Crazy Christian! Seems like we've both been through a lot and it feels good to chat online with her. I can't wait to get back to my life. I'm so damn tired of not having any money, freedom, privacy, or independence. I know things could be much worse, and I am so greatful that they are not, but when Lord when will things change for the better? I am getting so depressed and despondent, and I'm very worried about my mother. We've tried job fairs and online applications and nothing has come to pass. The lottery is a joke and my dad is, well, I know he doesn't have a lot to work with but he doesn't have to be so snippy and rude about things. I just hate Hate HATE being dependent on him! I want my own money and my own place again! I miss my life! I am so angry that I just dont know what to do with myself at times! I'm not even sleeping well because of his snoring and my nerves. I was hoping he'd go back on the night shift but looks like we're getting 3 weeks straight of days. I hope God hasn't forgotten us. I know He has a lot of children that need Him but still...I dunno, I'm trying not to get sacrilege but I do have to express myself or I'll go crazy! Lord, don't forget us. I thank you for all that you have done for us and continue to do, but please deliver us out of this land of lack.

Ugh...

So, I haven't heard anything from any of the jobs I've applied to. I need money! My phone bill is due, the weather will be changing soon and I need clothes and I don't have SHIT! This is really pissing me off! I'm tired of not being able to eat what I want to eat and waiting on my dad to do stuff. I miss my independence. I'm angry at God because He isn't moving on my time which I know not to expect, but still...I really want out of this situation. I am so, so, so damn pissed! Listening to my dad whine and moan gets really old really quickly, especially now that he's on days. I much more prefer it when he's on nights: he doesn't talk much and then he's gone and then me and Mama get to enjoy what I call "slumber party time". Just the two of us. I am very thankful for the fact that my sister has her tuition for the year paid in full but what about me? I'm tired of my life passing me by without my permission. If this is what my life is supposed to be like, then I want no part of it. This is just too damn depressing. Well, back to my books and television shows. Seems like that's the only thing keeping me halfway sane, that, and the little shred of faith I still have left....

Peace...

Well, earlier today (actually yesterday if you want to get technical), I received a response to a job I had applied for only two days before! They asked me for a bit more information, including my resume and I should be hearing from them when they decide to conduct interviews! I'm trying not to get my hopes up like I always do about a job, and so far, I'm doing pretty well. I feel a sense of peace. I've been experiencing this peace for about two days now. I know its the Holy Spirit working within me. I know God hears my family's prayers and He does answer them in His own time. I have accepted that He will provide for all of our needs in due time. I place all my trust within Him and I know things will work out much better than if I tried to control things myself. My sis is in school, my parents are smiling, and so am I. So I will continue to pray for my family and friends. I wish everyone could experience this feeling. I'm going to keep my head up and remain positive and continue to pray for peace, wisdom, strength, and favor. What else do I have to do, lol!

Tired of Being Tired...

*sigh*...I'm so, so, so tired of this situation...I want my own place again, I want money, and I want space. It's hard as hell sharing one toilet with 3 other people. Don't give me wrong, I am thankful for having a roof over my head and I know the Lord worked a mighty miracle for us to be in this hotel, but I am still tired. I know we all are...I'm greatful that my sis is back on campus and attending school. And when my dad goes to work, Mom and I are comfortable. But with this weekend being a holiday weekend, everyone is going to be stuck in the room...
Another thing that is bothering me is that I don't understand why I can't get a job. I try and try but no luck. I guess God doesnt want me working. But He knows we need money! I get so despondent that I don't even want to wake up. If it wasn't for the internet and library books, I would've lost my mind weeks ago. We've been here a month! I miss my life! I don't understand why this happened, nor do I understand why it continues...I just want to scream but if I do, I'm afraid that I won't be able to stop. I really wish and hope that God hears and answers my family's prayers. We're barely getting by and we need a blessing so that we can be a blessing...Heaven help us!