Well, I didn't have to worry about them running my car all around the weekend of my sister's graduation, seeing as though it was repossessed right before then. I feel like such a selfish dumbass...Now we're using my dad's truck and the family car and they both need work and correct tags on them. I just don't know what to do anymore...I pray that God makes a way because I cannot afford to get the necessary things as long as I have to pay for this extra motel room. I either need a better paying job or someone else to pay for the room. Now I don't know if and when we'll be getting an apartment if Salvation Army is in control, but I just hope they continue to pay for the main hotel room. I like having this room to myself and if we were to get an apartment, not only would I not have any privacy any longer, but I wouldn't have a car to leave in, but I might be able to save for one. I know that's me being selfish again and I'm sorry. I just can't help but think of the fun me and Brown have together in this room!
Speaking of Brown and fun, I'm not taking the Pill any longer and we've been going at it like rabbits in heat! I think I'm two days late with my period so I MIGHT be pregnant. Now if I am, I'll be due in Feb 2011. I hate odd years but I do like February. Now I know things may not go the way I want them to. Brown might get angry and want me to have an abortion, or he may not speak to me ever again-I could lose him. In light of everything else I've lost, losing him would hurt even more. But, if things go the way I would hope that they would, he would move me in with him and we would raise the child together. I just don't want him to feel trapped. I never want to hurt him, but I need a home and I do love him! And if he was dead set on not having a kid, he'd wear condoms! But he does pull out as soon has he can but we all know the pull-out method isn't 100% effective. Anyway, we'll see what happens. All I know now is that I have been feeling a bit weird lately, but that could be due to PMS. I had a fever for two days but took care of that with Thera-Flu. My nipples are now sore and my tummy is a bit queasy but I know I've had these symptoms before with PMS so I'm not going to take a test until I'm at least a week late from my period. I just wish that something will go my way for once, but when its all said and done, God's way is the way that will prevail. If he wants me and Brown to have a kid, He'll make it happen when its supposed to, with Brown being excited.
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