Well, I still haven't gotten my period. Either its two weeks late or on time, depending on how you want to look at it. I did yet another pregnancy test and it came back negative, so no baby. Part of me is glad (I can drink my wine) but part of me is angry. I want a baby with Brown. I have a feeling that it is going to happen soon (of course it will-I'm not on any type of birth control) but in a way, I don't know how he's going to handle it. I hope he'll be happy and would want it, but I could be risking everything. I don't know...I'll just let whatever is going to happen,happen. And to be honest, he rarely, if ever, ejaculates inside of me so I don't know why I even bother worrying. All I need to do is just try to find another job because money is an issue. I know this feels wrong but its like in light of everything I've lost, I want a baby and Brown to give me some kind of purpose again. I want to live with Brown and go thru life with him. I can't help it-being around him makes me feel good and I know I do the same for him. But I can't leave my family hanging, that's for sure. I just pray that everything works out for the positive for everyone. I want my parents and my sister taken care of and happy, and I want to be happy as well. Sigh....
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