Well, it's the end of the year and I am GLAD!!!! 2009 was filled with pain for us and we deserve a fresh start. Brown has me both feeling great and pissed as hell with him, but I guess that's just the way things are. Unexpectedly, my old, dear friend Lowdown contacted me on Christmas day and it felt so good to talk to him! I'm still afraid that we'll be on the streets in little less than 2 weeks but what can I do? I can only pray that God has other plans for us. Maybe one of our lotto tickets will hit and we'll be rich! At the very least, I pray that we can hold on long enough for my phone to stay on so that I can get a call to interview and then land that SSA job I really want. Then, with that blessing, I can work on getting my family into a decent place to leave. But now I just pray that whatever happens, its God's will. I really don't think that He wants us hungry, dirty, and cold on the streets but who am I to guess his plans? All I know is that what will be, will be. My biggest wish is for my family to win the lotto and be financially secure for the rest of our days. My secondary wish is for me to land that job I truly want in order to support us all. Another thing I want is a child and that my actually happen this upcoming year, due to the fact that until I get a permanent place to live, I can no longer receive free women's health care. That means no more pills and I don't think I'm telling Brown...well, I may but I'll cross that road when I get to it. If a child is in the picture, I just pray that Brown wants it and that both me and the child are healthy and happy. But like I said, what will be will be in 2010. It's all God's will.
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