Nervous, much?

Well, the job I had applied and interviewed for at the University has been taken down from their website. I feel that I have the job but I must be honest: I'm nervous. I want it because I am tired of the day care and I need more pay for my family, but it is a change into something new and I hope that I can do it. My mother and sister have faith in me but I will admit that having faith in myself is coming harder than expected. I am going to pray on it because I need strength. I don't know why I'm at this crossroad-there were jobs that I have applied to in the past that I felt I had but I didn't get as far in the process as I have with this one, so I don't see what the problem is. I think its because this job is an actuality and its more personal since these are people my sister has worked with and its at my alma mater. But its for the same reasons why I SHOULDN'T be nervous. I dunno...I do know my time at the day care is running out-I can feel it. I just hope and pray that I get the call from the school in enough time. I'm not even going to get into the fact that there won't be any extra spending money on this check, plus the fact that these student loans are starting to scare me...I'm just tired of trying to make something out of nothing
On a brighter note, Brown is being so good to me emotionally...he's been showing more affection when we're together: expressing concern about my safety, extra-long hugs, squeezing my hand, calling me sweetie, and not tripping when I said that I had purchased a pregnancy test. I really think that when things get better for us, he is going to want to move our relationship to the next level. I love him so much! I believe that after August, I'm going to get on some type of birth control because I want Brown to love and want me for me, and not because of a sense of obligation. And I don't want to be a burden to him-I want to be a helpmate. I hope he knows how much I care for him and how much I love having him being a part of my life.