I realize now that the pain of my abortion and betrayal will probably always be with me. I want to move on and be happy but how can I? My heart hurts too deeply. I wish I kept my baby because then I would have a purpose; a reason to fight. But then again I know bringing a child into these circumstances wouldn't have been fair to anyone and it would have been selfish on my part. I know the most logical thing for me to do is to find someone who really loves me, marries me, and wants to have a family with me. But sometimes I just don't know what to do because the pain is just too much. I can't share it with anyone and that what hurts the most. I'm probably suffering with PMS right now which is making me emotional. I wish none of this had ever happened. I'm tired of crying and living in shame. I just don't want to feel like this anymore.
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